Band is A mallets player's perspective
by saxypitgirl07
Summary: Just my little take on what Band is to me and my section. Will include funny stories and stupid lists...Guarenteed to at least show you how insane we mallet players really are...
1. Band is

**A\N: This is my very first fic... Be nice? Ah, whatever you want to say, it doesn't bother me. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Do I need a disclaimer for this? I don't own my Band, my BD or my friends... There you go. :)**

**Band is… "A mallet player's perspective"**

Playing the same part of a song ten times over cuz one member of your section played over the Rest.

Singing made up words to the song during long periods of rest.

Using the xylophone for a pillow during boring songs

Trying to juggle your mallets for "kicks and grins"

Marching down the same hallway for an hour and a half.

Actually learning from it.

Having to buy earplugs cuz the drumline is right behind you

Purposely going off step to annoy your section leader

But you annoy the BD instead…

Bringing your MP3 player\iPod to practice

Loading and playing the Band song on your MP3 player\iPod.

Ending up three measures ahead because of it

Doing more pushups in one practice than in six gym classes because your section leader is evil.

Making up a pointless dance to the tuba\Bari sax duet

The BD loving it.

Then trying to teach it to your entire section.

Getting weird nicknames from your BD.

Giving weird nicknames to your BD.

Both learning to respond to such nicknames

Having races with marching bells and bass drums.

"Accidentally" throwing your mallets at the BD.

Arguing with your friends about the difference between band geeks and band nerds.

Having the same argument with your BD

Winning both times.

Playing soccer in your free time before practice in the parking lot.

Almost getting hit by a car during said soccer game.

Finding out the driver was the flute section leader and plotting revenge…

Pretending you are Spanish and freaking the concession stand people out.

Having your back cracked by James B in the instrument room after practice.

Making up totally pointless games to entertain a bus full of bored, insane teenagers.

Forgetting the rules of the game three seconds after starting.

Improvising!

Getting lost trying to find a bathroom at your first competition.

Finally finding a bathroom, and walking into the boys' instead.

Still getting lost trying to find the SAME bathroom at the SAME competition, year after year.

Arguing randomly with your BD about totally unrelated topics, half of which have nothing to do with Band.

Playing other people's instruments.

Those people not caring.

Being so obsessed with Band that you make your computer project Band related.

Picking on the only drum majorette for no apparent reason, outside of Band.

Realizing your one true love, then realizing you can't have him cuz he's two years younger than you…

Understanding the full concept of "sibling rivalry" (for only kids)

Finding your best friend pole dancing with a tenor sax at your first competition.

Making up weird songs to pass the time on the way to competition.

Snorting "Lunchable's" cheese packets on the bus at competition.

Having to yell at the two bass clarinets for playing so loud you can't hear the rest of the Band.

Getting a piggy-back ride from your best friend cuz you're wearing flip-flops and the grass is really wet.

Doing the Can-can at Graduation while you're waiting for the rest of the Band to show up.

Flirting with the head snare from the rival school.

Him flirting back.

Getting in trouble for flirting with the head snare…

Getting your head smashed between two cymbals

Me: "Why are we included in the woodwind's practice tonight?" My friends: "Because we play the same part as the woodwinds Lou…" Me: "But we don't blow… We bang…"

Declaring the marching bells the newest fashion statement.

Demanding they become part of the school dress code.

Learning how to play instruments from every section of the Band.

Being successful.

Finding out there really are people as crazy as you.

Being loved for it.

Randomly hugging people and saying "I love you!" and them not getting freaked out because they're in Band.

Trying to help the Jazz Band set up and falling off the stage because you were trying to untangle a really long extension cord.

Writing stupid lists like this.

Getting your friends to join in.

Watching music related episodes of TV sitcoms (some that you have never watched before a day in your life) just to see if they have a marching Band.

Messing around during the last Band practice of the year with your senior friend, throwing pennies down the bell of her instrument.

Getting smacked in the forehead by the pennies when she blows really hard and fast.

Being attacked by your older friends and getting your mountain dew stolen.

Finally finding your mountain dew in the very back of the highest cubby in the instrument room.

Having to climb onto the shoulders of your senior friend to get to it and falling anyways…

Putting the mountain dew in your senior friend's bell for safekeeping.

Attempting to learn how to play the saxophone and getting nicknamed Goose by your gym teacher when she was walking by and heard you…

Watching your friend's flute get run over by a truck because her just-ex-boyfriend threw it into the road.

Comforting your friend when she realizes this.

Walking in on your cousin and your best friend making out in the instrument room (BAD things have happened in that instrument room, lemme tell ya!)

Coming home from competition at midnight and actually spending the night in the Band room.

Walking into Dunkin Donuts at five-thirty in the morning with the entire Band before competition.

Being called the lone flute girl because you were caught playing your friend's flute.

Quoting Disney movies on the entire ride home from a competition at eleven-thirty at night.

Having a parade through the ENTIRE town (with fire trucks and police cars) after winning Class Champs and losing your voice from screaming.

**Well, there you have it. A small-town girl's Band is... thing. There will be more, I just have to wait to get back to my Band... Like I said in the profile, send me a PM or review if you are confused. The stories make me laugh anyways!!!**

**Saxypit**


	2. Rules!

**A/N: I haven't died, everyone! Really, I haven't... I've just been suffering from really bad writer's block. Well, my section, my boyfriend, my other bandie friends and I made these up one day in lunch and I found them when I was cleaning under my bed... **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the fiction mentioned, Vault, Mountain Dew, the big xylophone or any of the people mentioned in here. Oh wait, I do own the "demented little chicken molester"...he sold his soul to me this year... heheheh**

PIT RULES

Like the clarinets' and flutes' rules in another fiction, our section leader is not our mother.

We must never take it as a compliment when the BD comments on our hyperness.

Even though it is.

Sword-fights with the mallets during practice is forbidden.

Any time between practices is ok, as long as your section leader and BD don't see you.

We cannot push through everyone else just because we have really big instruments.

Don't hit on the drum majorette! (Only applies if you aren't in high school)

Don't throw your mallets at said drum majorette either, it isn't nice.

ALWAYS carry a pencil in your folder, but not for writing purposes.

Never start flipping out on younger players when they don't know what a concert b flat is.

Hit them in the head with your mallet instead.

The flutes are evil; to associate yourself with them is to be a traitor.

This also goes for the saxophones. (Although I admit, I am an honorary saxy pit, hence the name… grins)

We may never plot to over-throw the head section leader (at least, not in her presence…)

Vault and Mountain Dew is forbidden from the Band room during practice.

We may not attempt to smuggle in the forbidden liquid, or hide it in the bells of our friends' instruments.

We should not rub it in when the Band has to go out and practice marching while we stay inside and "practice".

Hitting people in the head with mallets is NOT a sign of affection to other sections.

When asked to do the Freshie exercise, run. Run fast.

We should never use the practice time when the Band is drilling to call our significant other from the rival school.

We may never use the xylophone as a table when doing homework during Band.

Use the floor!

We must scratch the last two rules…We shouldn't be doing homework in Band anyways!

We may not cry when the key chain holding the vibes together snaps in the middle of competition.

We may not sit on the xylophone during Graduation.

Even if we can't see our senior friends.

Even if it is because we are in the BACK of the Band.

We must never ride the big xylophone down the hill when we practice for said graduation.

We must never call the youngest pit player a "demented little chicken molester" in the BD's presence.

We shouldn't call the youngest pit player that name in general…

We may not adopt either section leader's boyfriend as the pit mascot.

We may not kidnap instruments from the sections that take our beloved mallets hostage.

Plotting the death of the creepy janitor guy from competition isn't nice.

Even if he wouldn't let you back into the school because he didn't believe we'd left the chimes in the practice room…

We may not demand we need reeds to continue playing the right notes.

We do not need reeds.

We don't blow, we bang!

We may not secretly plot to over-throw the trumpets in their multi-band plan to rule the world.

We should not attempt to categorize the other instruments. This is not our territory. (Hehe… That was all me…)

We may not attempt to write out the "family trees" of each section and their instruments either…

**There ya go. I'm still waiting for Band to start again so I can get more stupid stuff on here... And, by the way, all the stuff on here really did happen. Just replace "We may not" or "We should not" with "we have"... LMAO.**

**Saxypit**


	3. Drumline fun

**A/N: Another update!!!!! I know, it's been awhile, but this is how it goes in a busy person's world...lol Yeah, just a little off the beaten path of band, but drumline is just another form of it...hehehe... Yeah... Read on!**

You know you love Drumline when

You play the cadences on your desk\lab table\lunch table regularly and you aren't even in the battery

It is common knowledge that to find you, go to the band room.

You regularly get into arguments about whether or not the pit is really a part of the drumline (which it is)

Your hands are covered in blisters because of practicing four and three mallet pieces

Sometimes for three and four hours a day.

You are actually saving up spare change to buy your own mallets\drumsticks

You find yourself humming random parts of the songs during class, much to the displeasure of teachers

You have gotten to know your BD so well you could write his autobiography.

The BD has admitted that you aren't so bad to be with (yeah, he actually said that me!! Jerk…)

You wake up every morning an hour and a half earlier than usual to get to the school at 6:45 to practice.

The BD offers you his coffee every morning because you resemble a zombie (for reasons mentioned above)

You work hard to keep your grades up just so you can remain on the line (screw college!)

You count down the days until your first competition.

The people below you start to refer to you as "the Drill Sergeant".

You actually learn to respond to that name.

You get into fights with people who think Drumline is easy.

You play over your wrist (which was damaged from Marching Band last season) just so your BD\section leader won't take you off the part.

Your parents start to really love the two or three hours a day you're actually home.

You go to the band room during every study hall you have so you can practice some more (as if you don't do that enough already…lol)

You download every Drumline song onto your MP3 player\iPod to practice it at home.

Or just to listen to it 'cause it sounds awesome!

**Alright, so that was really short. I'm sorry. I wanted to update this, and there wasn't a lot on Drumline, even less for Band... More shall come, faithful reviewers...More shall come...**

**Saxypit**


	4. More Band Geekisms!

**A\N: They're baaaaaaaaaack!! Yeah, a little drumline, a little Band, a little "what the hell?" moment here and there... Oh yeah, and the really strange interactions between us and our BD... Enjoy!**

You know you love these!! More Band Geekisms!

Band is…

Telling your teacher you have lessons and actually just chilling out in the director's office.

The director knowing and not caring.

"Shouldn't you be back in class?" "Eh, it's just English, you know we don't do anything." "Ok."

Being told to your face by the director that you suck.

Sticking your tongue out at him and getting a mallet thrown at you.

Telling your director he needs a life and him actually agreeing.

Comparing the senior percussionists to the freaky Mexican-looking drummer from competition.

Spending hours in the band room practicing for solo-fest

Your director actually admitting he is impressed.

The Maximized Centipede!

"Hey, you hurt my self-steam!"

Sleeping in the director's office during study halls.

Getting up at five every morning to get to the school by 6:45 for more band practice.

Pretending no one knows their music when there's a sub.

Eating every lunch in the other BD's office.

Using her computer afterwards to play games 'cause their computers aren't blocked.

Having competitions of Bubble Trouble with the first BD when he comes in and "catches" you.

People randomly hiding mallets on you.

Switching places with the percussionists during really hard songs.

Actually playing the percussion part better than they do.

The BD wondering for the rest of the afternoon why the percussion section sounded awesome and the mallets really sucked.

Pranking random people in band, for no good reason.

Doing homework on the floor behind the marimba.

Naming all the pit instruments.

Yelling random things to the BD in a horribly fake German accent.

The BD yelling back in an even worse fake Russian accent.

Hating and loving your section at the same time.

Buying new Marimba mallets and taping the handles in neon green.

The BD giving you the neon green tape.

Knowing you can get away with pretty much anything just because you're in band.

Skipping many, many, many classes for band field trips, concerts and competitions.

Other teachers saying, "Now, if your (insert class here) grade was as good as your band grade, I'd be happy."

Buying the BD a book called, "How To Talk Gooder Fastly" because he can't talk straight at 7 am.

The BD asking if you think he has a six-pack.

Replying with, "Naw, you've got a whole keg there…"

Hanging out in the Band room after school watching movies.

"I wonder if the Vibes creak when you bang on them…"

Breaking in the new 7th grade Pit minion and the freshman that came in last year.

Finding out the new minion thinks you're absolutely awesome.

Playing Phantom of the Opera songs randomly in the middle of Band.

Being known by everybody as the Drill Sergeant.

Even if they aren't in Band…

Half of your Christmas and birthday presents are Band related.

Switching places with the youngest tenor sax for the day 'cause you can play both instruments.

The BD asking you why you switched.

Screwing with his head for the whole hour by saying you don't want to play mallets anymore.

The look on the BD's face when you go back to the mallets next Band class.

Running away from people and knowing to go to the Band room cuz it's safer.

Keeping a change of clothes in your Band cubby (that you only use during marching season) on the off chance you spend the night in the Band room… again.

Climbing around on the cubbies to get to the bells for Pep band.

Being nicknamed Monkey for it.

Nearly getting a concussion when you fall on your head from six feet up.

Singing so badly into the tuner that people say you made up a new key.

It's the F sharp flat majorly minor key!

Knowing you have fifty other people to back you up at any time.

Being really happy even if you've had a bad day.

Your second family.

Your home away from home.

Crazy section sleep-overs and other sections' sleep-overs that you somehow got invited to.

Planning a big celebration\memorial type thing for this year's seniors.

Crying when you realize the band will be half its size when the seniors leave, and half as good.

Crying when you realize the seniors are actually leaving.

Having the underclassmen cry when they realize YOU'RE leaving in a few years.

Convincing your boyfriend to go back to Bari sax so you won't be totally alone next year.

Taking a pair of old gloves, chopping off the tips of the fingers and calling them Marimba gloves.

**Ah yes, I do love Band. Betcha couldn't tell:) Yeah, hope you liked this one...Kinda random, no particular emphasis on any one topic. Till the next time!**

**Saxypit**


	5. Are You A Band Geek?

**A\N: This is a little over-done, but I had to keep the tradition going and put a lovely list of signs to diagnose Band Geekism. That is, after all, a serious disease that plauges something like a half a million kids these days... Poor things... :D**

You know you're a band geek when…

Your head snaps up to a whistle.

You roll-step in order to keep your lunch from spilling.

You automatically fall into step with the person beside you.

You get to a turn and you take smaller or larger steps in order to stay in your line.

You go to the weight room after school to get conditioned for marching band.

You always leave something in the BD's office. (Like valve oil, mallets, stick bags…)

The BD has made a corner of his office specifically for the stuff left in there by "his" band geeks.

Half of the stuff on your Christmas list is band-related.

Most of your stories\poetry is about band.

Most of your study halls are spent in either the band room or the BD's office.

Your section leader has adopted you as his\her little sibling.

People know you as "the crazy one on the piano-like thing." (That's right Captain Obvious, and it's a MARIMBA!)

You hear "That one time, at band camp…" and automatically think of the flutes.

You get overly excited and throw a small party upon learning your BD has spent the money on a Marimba.

You fight with the seniors (when you're a sophomore) to see who gets to play it and when.

You sing your part to a song better than you play it, and the BD admits that.

The BD conducts finger snapping!

You hear the term, "double-tonguing" and don't get nasty thoughts in your head.

You vaguely wonder why non-band geeks think dirty when they hear that.

You understand most of these jokes.

You can honestly say "yes" to most of the stuff on this list.

The entire band pitches in to help in a lie against your parents so you don't get in trouble.

Half of the contacts in your cell phone are fellow band geeks.

The background on your computer is a picture of your instrument.

Half of your ex's are in band.

Your current boyfriend\girlfriend is also in band.

You spend a vast majority of time transposing songs so you can play them on other instruments.

You have Epiphanies every other day.

You can honestly say that your best friend(s) is\are in your section.

It is well known that, if all else fails, you can always put stuff in the BD's office.

You argue with the members of your section (and the BD) about playing in "your octave".

The BD makes up a song about said argument.

The newest pit player demands your life story in an effort to be EXACTLY like you. (WHY was I nice to her that first day? WHY???)

You have memorized every major and minor scale.

You can play them all with your eyes closed.

It has become a major competition in the percussion\mallets section to see who can play a 4-mallet feature better by Solo-fest.

The BD keeps up a running tab, and encourages people to make bets.

You have walked in on more than one make-out session in that damn instrument room.

You have HAD more than one make-out session in that damn instrument room…

Everyone in your section forbids you to have any type of energy drink right before practice.

Your section leader begins to refer to you and the rest of your section as her children.

You make up a really crazy story about how the father is some bum who lives in a back alley of Las Vegas, and a really wild night had made the second in command!

You know the story of Joe the Homeless Soccer ball.

Never really knowing how Joe got into the band hall.

Getting bored and drawing random notes on Joe.

Prank calling the BD on his home phone because you got bored.

The BD knows who it was even though you "changed your voice".

Realizing the power of Caller-ID.

Seeing both of your BD's drunk over the summer holidays, and keeping really freaky pictures as blackmail.

Losing your mallets for five days and nearly having a coronary until you find them.

The BD loses his little baton thingy and conducts with pencils.

The baton thingy has become a lethal weapon after it flew out of the BD's hand in practice and hit the new flute girl in the head.

You count down the days until Marching Band practice starts.

You see another bandie (or the BD) so much in one day that, even though you were mad at them in the morning, by the afternoon, everything is cool.

**I don't know how much longer this is gonna be... I mean, if band stops bringing up the interesting random stuff, then I might stop, but I dunno how that's gonna happen. Marching Band is comin up soon, so it could get fun... Until next time!**

**Saxypit**


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